I was right

I was right... once.
I discovered that when I am right, I am "not" allowed to ask my wonderful wife to repeat herself while I record it.
It just won't happen.

We are having a baby

Well everyone, congrats are in order as we are having a baby. I'm excited. Although, as I've already learned, this is going to get me into a lot of trouble.
I just never know when to not say something. Some people(me) just never learn.

This is what was posted to Facebook.

Spring brings with it new beginnings
Grass turns green
Trees start to sway

New life blossoms all around
Small buds sprout and flowers bloom
Painting fresh colors on the ground

Expecting mothers begin to glow
Strong proud dads start to brag
A new life forms small and slow

Come Christmas time we'll all be blessed
Our family will be growing
By now you should have guessed

It’s a baby in mid December! 

PA Speaker Etiquette

I am never *EVER* allowed to use the PA speaker in my car to ask Juli to bring me a beer. *OR ANYTHING ELSE* EVER!!!!

Release the Kraken

We have a small dog. A havanese. He is pretty cool.
In the evenings after everything has settled down for the day, he will bark or wimper at us to let us know that he needs to go outside.
So usually either myself or one of the boys will let him outside. When he is ready to come back in, he will come to the door and back to let us know he is ready to come back in.

A couple of weeks ago, I get up to put the dog outside.
When he is done he comes to the door and barks.
My wonderful wife asks one of the boys to "Let the beast in, Release the Kraken".
The goofy child looks up and says "Release the Kraken", to which my wife repeats, "Release the Kraken".
The little goofball gets the evil grin, and says "Release the Kraken", and turns around and moons us!!!
I was laughing too hard to scold him, we both were.

I will never think of the phrase "Release the Kraken" the same.

I'm back

Yes, I'm still alive and just as awful as before if not a bit worse.
In the upcoming weeks, you will see me begin to post more stories.
Stay tuned, for hilarity will continue.

Are you sure.....

My wife never at any point in her life was a blonde......
I am no longer allowed to ask if she is sure she doesn't have blonde roots...
I am also not allowed to laugh when a co-worker asks her the same question.....

Go ahead and hold that over my head....

While at lunch, my wife and I are having one of those discussions where she tries to get me to say something that I fear she will hold over my head and that I will end up regretting.
After multiple attempts on her part, she finally asks why I won't say this "phrase".
I tell her that I don't want her to trick me into saying something that later she can hold over my head.
She then informs me that she isn't tall enough to hold those words over my head.
I was smacked for laughing and agreeing.

I was right....

Occasionally, my wonderful wife and I have one of those conversations where she thinks I am wrong.
Then she finds out that I was right......
When this happens, I am NOT allowed to ask her to repeat her self over and over and over when she tells me I was right.....
Apparently, I am supposed to be humble or something when she tells me I was right.

I WAS RIGHT!!!!!

It may not happen often, but it does happen.

Just being agreeable....

From time to time I am accused of just being agreeable.
I will admit, that sometimes that is the truth.
Sometimes it is not.
Most of the time, it doesn't matter where we eat, or what movie we watch, or even what color the bedspread is.
As long as my wonderful wife is happy, I am happy.

There is a down side to being agreeable as I discovered this past weekend.
My wonderful wife suggested that maybe she was crazy.
I was dumb and agreed with her. And followed it up with I am just being agreeable.
I now know that being agreeable is bad, especially when she says something like that.
I might one day be able to use my right arm to drive again.

The Latin Grammy's

So this evening I am being introduced to something new. Something I never new existed, or even gave any thought to.
Yes, I am referring to the Latin Grammy's.
As I am sitting here watching what looks like a Puerto Rico version of Eminem... I suddenly have a thought... I know, I really shouldn't do that. :)
I started my question out with "I have a dumb question"... (just imagine the look I got)
I proceed to ask, if it is harder to write music to go with the lyrics in a song because there is what sounds like a lot more syllables in Spanish words than in English words......
Yeah, I really did ask that..... And yes, I was told that was a dumb question.

I'm not useless

Today while driving to the hardware store, my wife asked me if I remembered to grab something out of the garage.

I had to admit, that I did not remember said item.

My loving wife then informed me that I was useless.

My retort was that I am not useless, I am good for lots of things, just not the things she wants me to be useful for.

Apparently, that means that I am still useless.

My shorter half

Quite often I refer to my wonderful wife as my better half when speaking to friends and family.
A couple days ago at work while talking to a good friend of mine, I was feeling ornery and referred to her as my shorter half.
He of course told her what I said and I got that look that says tread carefully. I have seen this look many times. (Many many times)
So this evening I informed my brother that he should never ever refer to his wife as that either.
Little did I know, that my wonderful wife could hear me. Oops.
I could feel the you're in trouble look even though I couldn't see her.
I wait patiently for her to get even.

Your pants aren't too long

While walking back from lunch last week, my wife mentioned that her pants were too long as they were dragging on the ground.
I look down to examine the situation. She was right, I started laughing.
"Her response was go ahead and say it, you know you want to."
I asked her what I was going to say... Her answer was spot on:
"Your pants aren't too long, your legs are too short."

Even though I didn't say it, I still got smacked.

Accidentally or Intentionally

There is no difference in accidentally or intentionally ignoring my wife.
None at all......

Mexican or Spanish

The words on the salsa bottles are in Spanish and not Mexican.
Not only should I not say this around my wife, but I should also refrain from such statements around her family.

Spanish signs....

This background on my laptop got me in trouble.

A Short Lunch

Today my wife and I went to lunch with a co-worker.
As we walk in to the restaurant, the person at the door greeted us and then proceeded to ask if there were only 3 people on our party.
I couldn't help it, the words came out before I had a chance to stop them.
I pointed at my wife, and said "No, 2 and 1/2 people"

I was smacked....

Taunting

I am not allowed to taunt my wife while she plays video games.......

Kids.....

One of the boys called some time ago with an issue that was very easily resolved.
While walking down the hall at work with the wife, she hangs up with him and begins to dial the next number....
I jokingly suggested that we trade him in for a less troublesome model. I was very promptly informed that maybe she should trade me in for a less troublesome model.
I let her know that it would be difficult for her to find someone willing to take me.
She finished dialing the number and told me she was calling her mother.
I popped off that it would do her no good to call her, she wouldn't be able to help her when it comes to finding someone to take me.

Oh, There's wood there....

This past weekend, my wife comes back from one of those hobby store's that men try to avoid...
She came in with a new candle holder thingy that attaches to the wall.
She proceeds to get out a hammer and nails.
Then she puts the first nail in the wall. All goes as expected.
As she goes to put the second nail in the wall, I hear tap, tap, thud.
Sounding very surprised, she proclaims, "Hey, there's wood there!!".
This struck me as funny, and I asked if she had expected something different... such as styrofoam,....
I was called mean!!!
(This, by the way, was the story referenced earlier this week)